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So, finally got a place we're gonna move to.
So theres that at least.... unfortunately, its an hour away from where we currently live.... *sigh* What I was hoping to avoid. But it can't be helped.
'Sides, I don't really have to worry about it 'ruining my life' again. There isn't anything left to rui-
Agh.. I'm doing that thing again...
And... I just zoned out. *facepalm*
Nevermind, I forgot what else I was going to say.
So theres that at least.... unfortunately, its an hour away from where we currently live.... *sigh* What I was hoping to avoid. But it can't be helped.
'Sides, I don't really have to worry about it 'ruining my life' again. There isn't anything left to rui-
Agh.. I'm doing that thing again...
And... I just zoned out. *facepalm*
Nevermind, I forgot what else I was going to say.
''Superior''
(Side note: why the fuck can I put '' twice, but I can't just "? Are you fucking kidding me oh my god) So. I've had a long road, full of opponents and problems, like anyone else. My life up till a few years ago, taught me that anything could be overcome with enough training. Bullies, academic studies, wild animals, games, physical injuries, time constraints.. I could just push myself harder to acquire anything that I desired. Anything out of my reach, could simply be brought into my reach through enough extreme effort, no matter how outnumbered, etc etc. A few years ago I was introduced.. to the first time that was not the case.. and I did not learn the lesson, since I didn't have enough data. Athalia should have been the first one to teach me that. Fast forward to the second trial, Amber, I would then realize.. that the one thing no amount of training mattered with... was people. Superior. I have been hunted by people over this. People have been threatened by my mere presence and
So many projects..
Hmm.. the wrath of ADHD is fearsome indeed.. I have a multitude of unfinished things cluttering my... well, my everything; over two thousand opened tabs, most of which opened on a whim, unfinished classes for various programming languages, I can introduce myself in 6 languages and ask for water (And uh.. insult people.. not shocking I know) but I can't hold a conversation (HAH I can't do that when I can speak the language!) and I have unfinished stories since 2011? probably?.. I have over 600 games, most of which I've started, many I haven't finished.. there are dozens of things I want to know that I haven't put investment into and then my Amtgard stuff is.. just.. consuming the entire outer edges of my room because its just perpetually in my way, but I can't bare the thought of putting it away because for some reason grasping the hilt of a weapon soothes my nerves. You might not think its much of a weapon, covered in foam and all, but believe me, if I want it to hurt you, it will
Drifting for the moment...
I've been spending a lot of time reminiscing lately. I never quite felt like it was normal that I remember events in such detail. Other people forget things, regularly and to me that is unsettling. I remember so clearly and so sharply that I don't know what its like to have something fade from memory in a lot of instances... at... least in long term memory. I forget what has happened in the past ten minutes, rather often, yet some how recall in excruciating detail, things that've happened a decade or two before. Of course anything that was deemed highly important or traumatizing and the like, is going to stand out. But to be blunt, I don't see my life as perpetually traumatizing... so its just always felt weird to me that I remember a lot of things so sharply. It just feels hard to relate to other people when I can quote from a text, line for line on reflex and they seem to just... have some sort of haze over that memory? I assume it must feel like when I try to recall unimportant
No activity lately..
Hrm. I have little to share, at the moment. I recently solved my job problem, but I've been so wrapped up in getting things I've wanted for a long time, that I havent been back lately. I expected to come back to seeing a bunch of new stuff, but that is not so. Maybe the artists I watch have left Deviantart? I suppose thats unfortunate, but it cant be helped. Currently getting my ass kicked by a cold I caught. Though I was fairly proud that the condition I'm in and lacking sleep for two days due to body aches, I am still easily more energetic than my new coworker, whom I am not at all in unspoken competition with hahahah thats silly why would you think that!? but yes I take pride in my titanic strength and stamina, as per usual. Anywho. I don't have much else to say. In retrospect, probs should've thought of my audience a bit more with more candid journals.. but eh, whatever. If I can't be me in my own journal, why the fuck do I have it? And fuck anyone who doesn't approve.
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