Listening to: Theme of Lu Bu - Dynasty Warriors 4 OST
So, body is back to normal (well, normal for me.) Problem solved. Excellent, glad to make progress, as usual.
Anyway, that taken care of, mostly just wanted to say it some where, rather than to some one, 'cos I figure I've probably said it before to pretty much anyone I trust to listen to me.
Dunno really how to begin the sentence, so..
I've learned, that there is an abundance of people who will give absolutely nothing, but take anything from you that they can get away with. An over abundance. If they don't have to give you the time of day, they wont.
This sickens me. Has sickened me, since I've had conscious memories... 'cos my father is one of those people, most days. So I've grown up with one of my primary care-givers, as the very thing I hate most about people in general.
I never really call anyone out on this either... I already know what they're going to say, so I'd be wasting my breath. Or at least, in general terms, what their point will be. "Fuck you, why should I care?"
There is no point beyond that, that they will make, no argument, nothing. They're not obligated to care (STRICTLY only an obligation will change their mind) So they automatically choose not to at all times.
I guess the only reason this is a problem to me, is because I'm just.... some how designed, to care, by default. I dunno why, I can't fathom how.... given that I was raised by a pair of idiots that are arrogant and self absorbed beyond belief... but some how, I came out super fucking nice... and I don't know where it came from.
I'll say it right now, I hate more than anything, hearing I have a good heart, or am a kind person or anything along those lines. Not 'cos I resent being kind or anythin', but mostly 'cos I hate compliments because I feel like they require a response from me, and then its awkward, and then I don't know what to do, and how dare you put me on the spot like that dammit. However.... I've received enough compliments, that I understand I'm not a horrible person.. and there have been many people who think highly of me.
*shrug* Anyway, point is, that I'm just reminded I associate with alot of these people. And honestly... I'm trying very hard not to just say "Okay, fuck off" and remove them from my life. *IRRITABLE SIGH* I'm an optimist at heart... THAT I resent.. because it just sets me up for disappointment... I keep hoping I can lead by example some how. I KNOW better... people who are not immediately receptive to generosity/willing to put work into group projects (like play groups, etc) are NEVER going to be. Its just that, I feel as if *I* would be in the wrong, to remove these people from my life and treat them as objects, in the same way they seem to treat others. I feel like, even though they deserve their own treatment right back at them, that being no better than them, doesn't help.
Still tho'. I don't have to associate with them.
Anyway, I'll figure out a course of action along the lines of removing them, and how, later. I need to rest my legs for later today. Just walked 8 miles, so they ache a bit.