Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
About Deviant BaratusUnited States Recent Activity
Deviant for 11 Years
Needs Core Membership
Statistics 1,354 Deviations 15,357 Comments 25,273 Pageviews
×

Favourites

Depression Override by paintausea Depression Override :iconpaintausea:paintausea 281 63
01:51
Override - Fight Animation :iconzedrin:Zedrin 252 32
Scarlet by kirero1 Scarlet :iconkirero1:kirero1 422 5 A Monster Calls - The Invisible Man by Nick-Ian A Monster Calls - The Invisible Man :iconnick-ian:Nick-Ian 1,798 49 Green with envy by Radittz Green with envy :iconradittz:Radittz 902 12 Make Triple Techs Great Again [on RedBubble] by MichaelMayne Make Triple Techs Great Again [on RedBubble] :iconmichaelmayne:MichaelMayne 297 65 The Grid by WojtekFus The Grid :iconwojtekfus:WojtekFus 5,265 152 Happy Little Trees by Joazzz2 Happy Little Trees :iconjoazzz2:Joazzz2 227 54 Link WIP by uncannyknack Link WIP :iconuncannyknack:uncannyknack 1,220 54
Literature
Empathy and Emotion
I can tell you this with near-certainty: Everything you think you know about autism and empathy is a lie.
"Lacking empathy" oversimplifies and distorts the truth. Autistic people have a much more complicated relationship with empathy than a simple two-word phrase can describe. Some of us claim that we have too much empathy. Others say that no, we truly are deficient in empathy. Who is right?
Both sides!
Let's look at empathy deficiency first. It doesn't mean what you think it means.

When Audrey integrates a conversation function with respect to pizza, you know things just got complicated.
When empathy is hard
Empathy is hard for me. So is algorithm analysis. (I don't like that class. It's a lot of homework.) And honestly, the cognitive load involved here can feel kind of similar.
It's time to share a quote from Cynthia Kim, a writer who is brilliant at explaini
:iconMissLunaRose:MissLunaRose
:iconmisslunarose:MissLunaRose 69 40
Expressions by Morriperkele Expressions :iconmorriperkele:Morriperkele 678 122 Izayoi Sakuya -  halloween ver. by hotpppink Izayoi Sakuya - halloween ver. :iconhotpppink:hotpppink 540 11 Hathor Industries headquarters by Tryingtofly Hathor Industries headquarters :icontryingtofly:Tryingtofly 2,104 72 Scooby Doo and the Crew by nakanoart Scooby Doo and the Crew :iconnakanoart:nakanoart 16,761 539 Day 1409. Hogwash by Cryptid-Creations Day 1409. Hogwash :iconcryptid-creations:Cryptid-Creations 2,457 45
  • Listening to: Theme of Lu Bu - Dynasty Warriors 4 OST
So, body is back to normal (well, normal for me.) Problem solved. Excellent, glad to make progress, as usual.

Anyway, that taken care of, mostly just wanted to say it some where, rather than to some one, 'cos I figure I've probably said it before to pretty much anyone I trust to listen to me.
Dunno really how to begin the sentence, so..
I've learned, that there is an abundance of people who will give absolutely nothing, but take anything from you that they can get away with. An over abundance. If they don't have to give you the time of day, they wont.
This sickens me. Has sickened me, since I've had conscious memories... 'cos my father is one of those people, most days. So I've grown up with one of my primary care-givers, as the very thing I hate most about people in general.

I never really call anyone out on this either... I already know what they're going to say, so I'd be wasting my breath. Or at least, in general terms, what their point will be. "Fuck you, why should I care?" 
There is no point beyond that, that they will make, no argument, nothing. They're not obligated to care (STRICTLY only an obligation will change their mind) So they automatically choose not to at all times.

I guess the only reason this is a problem to me, is because I'm just.... some how designed, to care, by default. I dunno why, I can't fathom how.... given that I was raised by a pair of idiots that are arrogant and self absorbed beyond belief... but some how, I came out super fucking nice... and I don't know where it came from.
I'll say it right now, I hate more than anything, hearing I have a good heart, or am a kind person or anything along those lines. Not 'cos I resent being kind or anythin', but mostly 'cos I hate compliments because I feel like they require a response from me, and then its awkward, and then I don't know what to do, and how dare you put me on the spot like that dammit. However.... I've received enough compliments, that I understand I'm not a horrible person.. and there have been many people who think highly of me.

*shrug* Anyway, point is, that I'm just reminded I associate with alot of these people. And honestly... I'm trying very hard not to just say "Okay, fuck off" and remove them from my life. *IRRITABLE SIGH* I'm an optimist at heart... THAT I resent.. because it just sets me up for disappointment... I keep hoping I can lead by example some how. I KNOW better... people who are not immediately receptive to generosity/willing to put work into group projects (like play groups, etc) are NEVER going to be. Its just that, I feel as if *I* would be in the wrong, to remove these people from my life and treat them as objects, in the same way they seem to treat others. I feel like, even though they deserve their own treatment right back at them, that being no better than them, doesn't help. 

Still tho'. I don't have to associate with them. 
Hmm...
Anyway, I'll figure out a course of action along the lines of removing them, and how, later. I need to rest my legs for later today. Just walked 8 miles, so they ache a bit.

Activity


  • Listening to: Theme of Lu Bu - Dynasty Warriors 4 OST
So, body is back to normal (well, normal for me.) Problem solved. Excellent, glad to make progress, as usual.

Anyway, that taken care of, mostly just wanted to say it some where, rather than to some one, 'cos I figure I've probably said it before to pretty much anyone I trust to listen to me.
Dunno really how to begin the sentence, so..
I've learned, that there is an abundance of people who will give absolutely nothing, but take anything from you that they can get away with. An over abundance. If they don't have to give you the time of day, they wont.
This sickens me. Has sickened me, since I've had conscious memories... 'cos my father is one of those people, most days. So I've grown up with one of my primary care-givers, as the very thing I hate most about people in general.

I never really call anyone out on this either... I already know what they're going to say, so I'd be wasting my breath. Or at least, in general terms, what their point will be. "Fuck you, why should I care?" 
There is no point beyond that, that they will make, no argument, nothing. They're not obligated to care (STRICTLY only an obligation will change their mind) So they automatically choose not to at all times.

I guess the only reason this is a problem to me, is because I'm just.... some how designed, to care, by default. I dunno why, I can't fathom how.... given that I was raised by a pair of idiots that are arrogant and self absorbed beyond belief... but some how, I came out super fucking nice... and I don't know where it came from.
I'll say it right now, I hate more than anything, hearing I have a good heart, or am a kind person or anything along those lines. Not 'cos I resent being kind or anythin', but mostly 'cos I hate compliments because I feel like they require a response from me, and then its awkward, and then I don't know what to do, and how dare you put me on the spot like that dammit. However.... I've received enough compliments, that I understand I'm not a horrible person.. and there have been many people who think highly of me.

*shrug* Anyway, point is, that I'm just reminded I associate with alot of these people. And honestly... I'm trying very hard not to just say "Okay, fuck off" and remove them from my life. *IRRITABLE SIGH* I'm an optimist at heart... THAT I resent.. because it just sets me up for disappointment... I keep hoping I can lead by example some how. I KNOW better... people who are not immediately receptive to generosity/willing to put work into group projects (like play groups, etc) are NEVER going to be. Its just that, I feel as if *I* would be in the wrong, to remove these people from my life and treat them as objects, in the same way they seem to treat others. I feel like, even though they deserve their own treatment right back at them, that being no better than them, doesn't help. 

Still tho'. I don't have to associate with them. 
Hmm...
Anyway, I'll figure out a course of action along the lines of removing them, and how, later. I need to rest my legs for later today. Just walked 8 miles, so they ache a bit.
  • Listening to: Hartmann's Youkai Girl Orchestral
So, my body is messed up, again...
Iunno what I did to it this time, and I'll spare the details... but it ought to be fixed in short order. Just dunno how I managed to mess it up again is all. 

Anyway, not why I popped in. A small thing that frustrates me with people... no certainty.

Like I mean I GUESS theoretically you could say that of course there isn't, anyone could just spontaneously explode at any moment, and only the fact that they haven't is proof that they're not going to... yet. Or whatever over dramatization you wanna put there... point being, I note that whenever I ask people about availability and such, no one ever, EVER gives the answer "If I feel like it."
they just say they don't know, or provide 'if' clauses.... it just annoys me.

I'm not wholly certain what precisely about it annoys me, but for example, I asked some one if they were showing up to a weekly event. Their answer is always "Yeah, if I don't do _____."
It just aggravates the hell out of me (to be fair, it may also be that I don't exactly have the highest opinion of this person, especially after they tried awkwardly hitting on me...)

Like.. if you're gonna show up, just frigging show up dammit. Why dual schedule things on the same day at the same time and THEN figure out if you're going to one or the other?! When some one asks me if I'm showing up, my answer is "I SHOULD be." meaning that unless an act of god happens to stop me, my intent is to be there. And I literally mean an act of god, like the frigging planet splitting, or a tornado miraculously ripping through and dropping me off some where in the wilderness without killing me, 'cos I've gone through hail, sleet, blizzards and storms, 'cos god dammit I said I'd be there and I meant it, and nothing is going to stop me if it can't.

Ugh, I dunno, I just hate the "Gee, I don't know if I'm going" thing. Make a frigging decision dammit.. this leaning back and forth and whining "I DUNNOOOOOOOOO" is so fucking infuriating... 

But.. thats why I just presume that if the answer isn't immediately "Yes, I'm going" that its 'no'. Because humans are reliably unreliable. 
So I guess it isn't a problem. Its still annoying, but I'm never going to meet some one who is going to give me a straight answer, and then also stick to it unless said answer is just always 'No'. 

So I should just move on.
... Hmm... Alright, I will.

Also, I discovered I hate popcorn 60% less, if I pour it out of the bag into another container. I'm use to just taking the bag with me, 'cos my parents used to always obnoxiously give me shit for 'dirtying up dishes' BECAUSE I GUESS EATING UTENSILS ARE FOR FUCKING VIEWING, NOT PRACTICAL PURPOSE. So I never thought to pour the popcorn into a bowl, 'cos it was literally ANYTHING to make sure they shut their go-
anyway... point being, without the bag, it wont get knocked over and spew seeds all over the damn floor, and every time I reach for a handful, I wont get the back of my hand slathered in half-melted butter (I HATE having foreign substances on my hands... drives me absolutely up the wall... if you wanna get hurt, make my hands sticky while I'm relaxed. I will punch you <_<;  guaranteed.)
either. That was most of my problem with popcorn, aside from just not caring to finish it most of the time. Well, that and getting a kernel or two stuck in a tooth, that was always bothersome.. 

Anyway, I don't have anything else on my mind. I feel very disinterested in people at the moment... so I'm going to go be anti social for several hours...
I don't feel so well at the moment. I'm sure its a combination of that I'm a little uhh.. upset in retrospect of some things, as well as the fact that my stomach is full of nothing but pretzels and soda <~<;
So lets get straight to it.

I ... I guess you know a show is good when.... uh..
...y-you care about stuff happening in it.
-Okay... thats odd... I can't seem to.. collect my thoughts... 

I didn't think I was that badly jarred.... maybe I'm just getting sick.

Anyway.. uh.. 
Sheesh, I don't even know where to begin. So much stuff lately... so much interaction, so much..... uhm... stuff I'm not used to. Honestly I suppose its to be expected i'm a little out of breath right now.

In retrospect, I should be feeling relatively overwhelmed.. might just be catching me late.. 

I'll.... I'll think on this all some more, tomorrow.

****************************************


Nope, I was just starving for legitimate food. Okay.

However.. I'm just reminded today I have no where I can share my thoughts anymore. 
At least, not without having them thrown back in my face, or just thrown on the floor and stepped on. Yay for comfort zones... which I don't have.

Anyway, character died in a show. Yadda yadda, I felt like shit, because it reminded me of a time some one worried about me, 'nother character said some vicious stuff, reminded me of how much of a terrible bastard I was at one point... the end.

Was immediately made to feel like any sense of introspection I had for just a moment was waste, so now I don't even wanna talk about it 'cos I feel invalidated.
Going to go pass the time until I can sleep. Yay for the human race..
I guess I don't have much to report. As I mentioned, I'm doing amtgard again. Which was nice to see I haven't lost my touch at all.. haha. Its always nice to be reassured I'm not gettin' old <.<;

I'm still annoyed that fighting with a two handed weapon is completely terrible in the game though... but thats amtgard. power swinging is just too dangerous for the game. Unfortunately, there isn't a Dagorhir group, where a greatsword would actually matter. Either way, I'm not a huge fan of greatswords (at least, not anymore. I stopped feelin' that way around 2011..) it just annoys me that I can't get any legitimate practice using one, because the game isn't balanced for one to mean anything. I mean it gets the ability to crush armor, but seriously, if I can land 3 hits on you with a 2 handed, heavily padded, cumbersome weapon, and all I get to do is smash your 4+ points of armor off, what have I actually gained?... with a shortsword, you could have hit me at least 12 times for every 1 time I can swing a heavy padded weapon, and unless I have just as much armor as you (hint: I wont, I'm swinging a weapon heavier than I am, you think I can do that in armor?.... OKAY WELLL I MEAN YES, I CAN, but an ordinary person? much less a NON athletic nerd??? not happening.) I'm dead long before I even got the second hit. And it has to be 3 consecutive, solid hits, and the weapon MUST have 'heavy padding' as defined by the rulebook (and approved on a case-by-case basis by the park reeves) 

Theres just no situation that its actually effective. It prevents shieldwalls, because 3 solid hits on a shield, 'breaks' the shield. Except, a wizard can just fireball the shield, and shield is gone. In fact, if I'm not mistaken, forcebolt probably works against them too... 

Eh... Iunno. Anyway, I guess thats an issue for some other time. I don't often use the greatsword I have anyway... I almost always use my scimitar.

Hmm...I tried Overwatch. I kind of wish this game was uh.... not.... what it is.
It having a story and stuff in the background, and having zero to do with the gameplay is... uhm........ incredibly lame. 
As for the gameplay.. its.. boring for me. Its like playing Team Fortress 2, except that I can't get by from just murdering the entire enemy team. (as a medic no less)
its also considerably harder to murder the enemy team, because of the abundance of shields, and shield spawning people.... however, high point of the span I just played: I shot the sniper, Widowmaker, right in the face while she was trying to snipe my team, as Mccree. My flanking partner just laughed at that being my response <.<;
I-I mean was I supposed to let her win that exchange??? >_>; Seemed like the thing to do, to me.

Anyway.. that aside.. uhh.. I'm losing focus. I forgot mostly what I wanted to get off my mind... soooo I guess its off my mind!
  • Listening to: Legend of Zelda Medley
ALL AROUND. ASS KICKED. SUCH BADASS. SO VALOR.

I-I mean..
Okay maybe I'm a bit TOO hyper.. but in all seriousness... holy shit, today has been the greatest of days.
...well..... maaaybe some others were more awesome. But phew... today has been colossal relief. Amtgard is a thing again, found old friends (more than one!) and... I don't feel like I'm suffocating!

Dayum dude. 

deviantID

Baratus
United States
Favourite photographer: Dont have one
Favourite style of art: dont have one
Favourite cartoon character: Dizzy, Sakuya, Suwako, Youmu,Suika ,<insert 40% of Touhou Cast here> dont care what anyone say
Personal Quote: I dont need luck, just alot of aspirin...
Interests

Comments


Add a Comment:
 
:iconqueshy:
Queshy Featured By Owner Apr 7, 2015   Writer
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Reply
:iconbaratus:
Baratus Featured By Owner Apr 7, 2015
<.<; thank you
Reply
:iconseh-art:
SEH-art Featured By Owner Mar 16, 2015
Thanks for the fave :)
Reply
:iconbaratus:
Baratus Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2015
*nod*
Reply
:iconlaeneris:
Laeneris Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2013  Student Writer
I hope you're doing alright, and sorry I'm so slow with my replies. Merry Christmas! :iconasnowmanplz:
Reply
Add a Comment: