Baratus

(Side note: why the fuck can I put '' twice, but I can't just "? Are you fucking kidding me oh my god) So. I've had a long road, full of opponents and problems, like anyone else. My life up till a few years ago, taught me that anything could be overcome with enough training. Bullies, academic studies, wild animals, games, physical injuries, time constraints.. I could just push myself harder to acquire anything that I desired. Anything out of my reach, could simply be brought into my reach through enough extreme effort, no matter how outnumbered, etc etc. A few years ago I was introduced.. to the first time that was not the case.. and I did not learn the lesson, since I didn't have enough data. Athalia should have been the first one to teach me that. Fast forward to the second trial, Amber, I would then realize.. that the one thing no amount of training mattered with... was people. Superior. I have been hunted by people over this. People have been threatened by my mere presence and

Hmm.. the wrath of ADHD is fearsome indeed.. I have a multitude of unfinished things cluttering my... well, my everything; over two thousand opened tabs, most of which opened on a whim, unfinished classes for various programming languages, I can introduce myself in 6 languages and ask for water (And uh.. insult people.. not shocking I know) but I can't hold a conversation (HAH I can't do that when I can speak the language!) and I have unfinished stories since 2011? probably?.. I have over 600 games, most of which I've started, many I haven't finished.. there are dozens of things I want to know that I haven't put investment into and then my Amtgard stuff is.. just.. consuming the entire outer edges of my room because its just perpetually in my way, but I can't bare the thought of putting it away because for some reason grasping the hilt of a weapon soothes my nerves. You might not think its much of a weapon, covered in foam and all, but believe me, if I want it to hurt you, it will

I've been spending a lot of time reminiscing lately. I never quite felt like it was normal that I remember events in such detail. Other people forget things, regularly and to me that is unsettling. I remember so clearly and so sharply that I don't know what its like to have something fade from memory in a lot of instances... at... least in long term memory. I forget what has happened in the past ten minutes, rather often, yet some how recall in excruciating detail, things that've happened a decade or two before. Of course anything that was deemed highly important or traumatizing and the like, is going to stand out. But to be blunt, I don't see my life as perpetually traumatizing... so its just always felt weird to me that I remember a lot of things so sharply. It just feels hard to relate to other people when I can quote from a text, line for line on reflex and they seem to just... have some sort of haze over that memory? I assume it must feel like when I try to recall unimportant